Thanks a lot dear

A letter to my …… half (Will fill in the blanks with the right word at the end and readers will justify it.)

Thanks a lot my dear Viral. For readers who are not known to me, Viral is my beloved wife. She is a wonderful person, an awesome teacher, who used to give tuitions to school students before marriage, at least which was what I was told. And I used to think, what is it that she used to teach to her students. Now that I have learnt so many things from her, I cannot help but share my experience with you as you all have been so kind enough to tolerate the nonsense I have been blurting out so far.

Viral, my beloved wife taught me that life is not a bed of roses and it has thorns in it as well. Not only that, she proved that she was correct as I am now actually living with those thorns. Thanks a lot my dear for teaching the real meaning of life and being so brutally real to me. I was such a big fool, having married to you I was trying hard to convince myself that I have got a good and a matured life partner until you taught me that life can have some serious and unforeseen problems as well. And such deep is your love for me that you teach me everything with a real and a practical example. Thanks a lot dear for teaching me that women can be so bad that they tend to ruin the whole family. Thanks a lot dear for teaching me that when a woman (read a married woman) lies about her husband and her mother-in-law, adding spice to the dish with her crocodile tears (actually even a crocodile might shed actual tears knowing you are being described with the crocodile as an allegory), the society and the law happily believes her and starts consoling her and hangs the innocent husbands life on the gallows. Had you not filed a false dowry harassment case on me (again to teach me a lesson as I refused to desert my aged and dependent parents as per your wish) I would never learned that this case can be filed by any married woman and can also be filed even if dowry has never ever been taken or demanded, and this case can be used as threat weapon, a fear psychosis tool and a legal channel to extort money, so thanks for this knowledge as well dear.

Till so far I had just seen the jail in movies, but thanks to your false case and thanks to the Indian Legal System with its draconian laws(still living in the dark ages), I had a first hand experience of jail. Till so far I had thought only bad people used to stay in jail, but surprisingly enough I found many good people there and also got unexpected help from them, so dear, thanks for this enlightenment. I will indebted to you my darling for this. Thanks to you, I got to know who are my real friends and who are not, for when you made my parents’ and my life a hell, I had my friends to fall back upon and they stood beside me like a pillar. My innumerable thanks go to Anju Masi, Pradeep Masa, Ashok Uncle, Ravi, Bharat, Priyanka, Subhadra, and Harshini and how can I not mention Shankar Uncle (Subhadra’s father). And my special thanks go to Ishwinder; your mental support means a lot to me brother. You remember you used to tell me, “Darling, I will always be there for you.” I laugh it off today, for when you chose to walk out of my life, none of the above people told me, “Virag, I will be there for you.” They just came and stood there and did their bit, whatever they could. So once again thanks to you I could know so many nice people. And my real and sincere thanks go to these people. And my dear Viral, you very well know the smell (read odor) of the thanks I have been showering on you hitherto and shall continue to shower henceforth.

Today is 10^th December, we finish a quarter today, when I was tagged a criminal for an offence I did not commit. We also had a court date today. I find it so strange that when we had a nice 2 BHK flat, what made you choose the court as a place for dates. Thanks again for suggesting such a romantic place to meet, but this is not fair, as you call me there and do not come yourself. Sweetie, I will see to it that you come there and we have a nice time together. This is my promise to you, when you have given me so much it’s my duty; I am your MAN as per the law, so I have to return you whatever I get from you. Also the law, where it happily defines the “Natural Duties” of a MAN, it does not define any for the WOMAN. Now I know why sadistic females like you always crib of gender inequality. Anyways let’s celebrate the first quarter happily. So today was the court date. As expected I was at the court by 11, time when the court starts. I had a meeting in my office in two sessions, 12 – 1 and 1 – 2. I somehow convinced my manager for the first half, and told him that I will be there for the second half. But courts work at their own times. So I was sitting in the court, and we were waiting for the case to turn up.

My mom started complaining of back pain. Thanks to you again as now I know the posture which causes pain to her and will see to it that she does not take that posture again. Then I was feeling hungry so I went out and had some fruits. It was a mixed fruits plate and there was papaya in it. I hate that fruit, but my hatred for you was so deep that I ate that fruit (albeit unknowingly) and later realized that I had eaten papaya. So thanks once again dear, my mom gave up trying to teach me eat papaya (thanks to my stupid stubbornness I never learned to eat it), but see today I ate it and I liked it as well as now nothing tastes horrible than you, for you, as a life partner you have given me only bitterness and left no stone unturned in making my life horrible. When we were together, your bitterness was sugar coated with your false flattery and apple-polishing love gestures and now your bitterness is shameless like you as it comes naked to me. So thanks once again for removing that false paradoxical veil of sugar-coat.

Lunch time happened and then we had lunch at 2: 30 pm. We had white flour paratha. My father developed indigestion due to that. Thanks for the enlightenment, now I know where I have to be careful about my dad’s food. We had tea after that, there my dad told that the tea was laced with color (thanks to his 30 years of experience in the tea industry), so thanks again as I know now how does a color laced tea taste like and look like and I should not be happy that I am getting an economical tea. I was getting late for the office meeting. I finally told my teammate Bharat to handle the situation; he assured me he will do so. So thanks again as I know I can rely on him. After reaching office I met my manager and apprised him of my situation and he told me that he had managed it without me in the meeting. So thanks once again dear as I know my manager understands me and supports me. Venu, thanks (a real one) for this to you as well. And as you see I have been thanking, thanking and thanking in this post, thanking to you for the lessons you taught me in life and thanking others who were there with me when I found the lessons out of syllabus, so I will end this series with a last note of thanks to Rishi and Parvez (my lawyers).

And now I fill in the blanks, A letter to my bitter half.

It is up to the readers to justify why do I consider her as my bitter half, in spite of the lessons she taught me.

Thanks once again dear. I am indebted to you and this is a promise to you from your MAN as per the law and from a real spine-full MAN that I will repay your loan.