The Trust and the Faith

All the characters referred to in the below blog are fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead whatsoever. Any co-incidence is purely co-incidental and unintentional.

For first time readers, please refer to the post, “The Revelation” for continuity.

Jignesh was moving faster than his heartbeats. Having confessed to her, now he was feeling very light, realizing the fact that now Jahnavi knew the reality and will not have a false image of him. Truth always gave him the strength to endure, but the fact remained that he had to endure separation from Jahnavi as well. He was feeling very heavy, he called up Sid.

Tring Tring.
Sid’s cell rings. For the first time, Sid was not sure, why did Jignesh call up at this hour.

Sid: “Hello.”
Jignesh: “Hey what’s up buddy, where are you?”
Sid: “I will be home in another five minutes. Tell me what’s the matter, you sound a bit wary, everything’s fine I guess.”
Jignesh: “Yeah, can we meet for studies today?”
Sid: “Why not, come over?”
Jignesh: “OK, I will be there by 8 pm.”
Sid: “OK, we will have dinner together, I will tell mom. Will be waiting. Bye.”
Jignesh: “Bye.”

Jahnavi, on the other hand, was revering the fact that Jignesh confessed to her and now she knew many things. Even though she knew he was not a real moron, yet she had found something fishy in his behavior while performing a debacle and while covering it up. There were debatable trends of questionable variety in his behavioral patterns, something which depicted a logical inconsistency, but now things were clearing up. He used to act moronic to maintain a distance from girls sans substance, but at the same time he liked Jahnavi and would get disappointed at his debacles and would then look forward to Sid’s help. She was indeed thankful to Sid that he had helped Jignesh and never boasted of it. For this, she looked up to Sid.

Ting Tong.
Sid’s doorbell rang.
Sid: “Hey man, what’s up? Come on in. I must salute your punctuality. Dinner is ready; we will finish that and then sit for study. That should be fine?”
Jignesh: “You are seldom wrong .”

They hurriedly finished the dinner and then went to the study room. Sid was quick to note, there were certain things waiting to come out, but he thought pushing would not be a good idea. But his curiosity was getting the better of him as he knew it had to be only one matter.

Sid: “What are you studying?”
Jignesh: “Cardio-vascular system.”
Sid: “Which part?”
Jignesh: “Oxygenated and De-Oxygenated blood circulation between the lungs and the heart.”
Sid: “Hmmm, and what about the source of Oxygen?”
Jignesh: “Means?”

Sid smiled. He loved confusing Jignesh in life and Biology. He was a master at both. He knew the iron was hot now and this was the time for the hammer to descend.

Sid: “What is the matter, dude?”

Jignesh knew the secret was out and hated Sid for his excellence.

Jignesh: “I told Jahnavi about you, how you had helped me in those situations.”
Sid: “What??????????????? And how did she react?”
Jignesh: “She was pondering over what I said. Did not speak a word with me. I came out from there as her silence was killing me.”

Sid was not able to comprehend, what on earth had compelled Jignesh to tell Jahnavi about Sid. Now she will think Jignesh is of no use. A Good-for-Nothing fellow. He felt all his efforts going down the drain. How sincerely I was trying that these two souls can come closer and establish a never-ending relationship. He thought.

Sid: “Are you nuts? Why the hell you told her all this?”
Jignesh: “Sid, I will be indebted to you the whole life, for the help you have extended selflessly to me. Initially I liked her as she was different from the other girls around. Her beauty was not skin deep. Slowly my attraction increased exponentially and you know what, secretly I used to wish for a debacle to happen as it gave me another chance to speak to her. Of course, that second chance would not have been successful without your help, buddy. And we became acquaintances, and then friends, then good friends, then close friends and then some steps ahead of what we call “JUST FRIENDS”. We had started realizing each other’s worth and importance and had started developing a sense of respect for each other. She also realized that I was not a real moron and was surprised knowing that I had managed to be-friend her on my own after all those debacles. This was partly true; she has to know the truth. I cannot continue in the relationship with a false image about me. If I lie now once today, I will have to keep lying until I screw up the relationship and a few lives. It’s like a shirt’s button, if one button goes out of line, all the others follow suit and the rectification has to be at the first button going awry. I know she will be upset knowing the truth, but she is mature, understanding and knows me as a person and will realize. I have faith in her; she will come back to me.”

Sid was taken aback, was he talking to the same Jignesh, the moron, the bio-geek who used to come to him after every debacle. He realized Jignesh was a master-piece of a human being. Sid thought, I just knew how to talk to a girl and I was probably too generic in my approach as well, but Jignesh is far too excellent then me in handling relationships and understanding the far-reaching consequences of a long-lasting relationship.

Sid: “Dude, you have surprised me today like anything. I salute you for the mature sense of understanding you have just displayed. And trust me, going by my analysis of Jahnavi I can say that she is mature enough to know the REAL YOU. She will definitely come back to you. Just give her some time and wait for her call.”

Jignesh saw his cell phone and froze to deaths.
Jignesh: “Jesus, the cell battery did not get a better time to die out. Do you have a charger?”
Sid: “Seems like you have some hard luck today. Mine is Reliance phone you know, Dad has a Nokia charger but that broke in the morning itself, so he’s too charging the cell in the office. Let’s get back to studies, will see tomorrow.”

Jignesh grinned and went back to study. Now he knew he won’t even know if she tried to contact him. If she actually did, the possibility of which looked remote to him, then more troubles were waiting for him as she always used to tell him to be particular about charging the cell phone and he was careless in this matter and with today’s confession, a dead cell battery was the last thing he expected to happen.

The Vodafone number you are trying to call is switched off.
Jahnavi: “Why is his cell switched off? Must have forgotten to charge his cell. These guys never listen. The more you tell them, the more they act stupid and careless. Oh Lord, can’t you grant some wisdom to these morons?”

Mom: “What happened sweetheart? Whom are you cursing?”

Jahnavi felt embarrassed at being caught. She warded off the topic saying that it was about a friend whose cell phone was switched off and she urgently needed some college notes. I will have to tell mom sooner or later, can’t hide for long. She called again, switched off. Now how long do I have to wait before that stupid realizes that he has to charge his cell phone? Thinking she went inside her study room.

The Revelation

All the characters referred to in the below blog are fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead whatsoever. Any co-incidence is purely co-incidental and unintentional.

For first time readers, please refer to the post, “The Brain and the Soul”

Its time to get up, the time is six thirty am. Jignesh’s cell phone alarm was ringing. After thinking a lot about Jahnavi and how to tell her about Sid, he had gone to sleep late. He got up lazily rubbing his eyes, saw the time, 6:40 am. Oh Shit, got late. Hurriedly he got up and the first thing he did was to SMS Jahnavi, Hey, can we meet in the canteen before the lectures. She replied with a smile. The silent bridge of words between them was the most exhilarating form of unrequited love between them. Lectures started at 9 am. They met in the canteen at 8:45.

Jahnavi: “Good morning, you look sleepy. Slept late? Studied till late?
Jignesh: “You ask a lot of questions.”

Jahnavi giggles.
Jahnavi: “So, tell me Sir, at your service.”

She was beaming with joy as this was the first time Jignesh had called her to meet. Though she had wanted to call him many times, she could not, long live her inhibitions and Jignesh’s moronic image. But today was different and so was different Jignesh today.

Jignesh: “Hey you know I wanted to tell you something.”
Jahnavi: “I am listening.”
Jignesh: “Well you know as we are good friends. And also initially we did have some petty issues.”

He was still hunting for words, when the voice banged him from back. It was Sid there. Oh Shit, bad timing for the first time. He thought.

Sid: “Hi Guys, what’s up?”
Jahnavi: “Hi Siddharth, how are you?”
Sid: “I am great; I think its time for the lectures. Shall we, Jignesh?”

Jignesh motioned with his eyes, later, to Jahnavi. She caught it and they headed towards their respective departments. Now Jignesh was not at all able to concentrate on his lectures. He was in a dilemma, how to tell her? what if she goes away? He feared hatred and rejection. His insecurities were getting the better of him. Now she will think I am a real moron who can commit blunders independently but needs a friend to apologize, Jignesh thought. But it’s not totally my fault, for had it not been for Sid, his love for Jahnavi would have died within him. He just hoped Jahnavi to understand and realize this. Lunch break happened but they could not meet as Jignesh was called by the principal for some Biology seminar. So they had to wait for the evening coffee meet and the day seemed like ages to Jignesh and Jahnavi, who had sensed some amount of apprehension in his voice in the morning and had been wondering the whole day, What could be the matter? Why was he looking uncomfortable with Sid around? Why did he say ‘later’? These questions were making rounds in her mind. By the time the day ended and they met for coffee, they were like just about to barge into one another and finish off the matter. Jignesh had failed to muster courage to speak out, he feared losing her and Jahnavi wanted him to speak and feared losing Jignesh if he did not tell her. Seeing his composure she knew it, he will not speak, she will have to dig in, and so she spoke.

Jahnavi: “Hi How was the day?”
Jignesh: “Nothing special, yours?”
Jahnavi: “Ok types.”

Now she waited, hoping he will speak up. But he did not. And he was cursing her silence as that would mean, he will have to speak. His breaths conveyed his aggravated level of discomfort to her. So she spoke again.

Jahnavi: “I am noticing, there’s something you feel like sharing with me, but God knows why are you stopping yourself? Tell it na, what is it related to? Any tensions?”

Jignesh felt as if a gunshot was fired on his chest and he was not feeling the pain unless he saw himself bleeding. Now he had no choice. The silent bridge of words was crossed.

Jignesh: “I am in a dilemma. It’s related to us and I fear knowing it you will run away from me. Can you just take it as my weakness and my limitation and accept me the way I am. I mean see I did not mean it. I admit my part of the mistake but somehow I was helpless.”

Jahnavi was exasperated now. She could not make a head or tail of whatever he was saying. All she could make out is, there was something he wanted to share and he fears I will go away from him, knowing it. What bullshit, does he not know how I have fallen for him and how much I have started loving him. I am ready to accept him as he is whatever he has done and wants to share, Oh Lord, please make him do so. I promise I will not go away.

Jahnavi: “I need more details, Jignesh. I am not able to make any sense of what you are trying to convey. If you fear our relationship will be affected adversely knowing it then let me tell you one thing. If the relation really suffers knowing a fact, then the relation is not worth spending time on, and we should actually move on. And if the relation is really that strong and rock solid, believe me, it will not suffer, it will strengthen on the contrary. So just lighten your burden.”

Jignesh also knew this thing. But his insecurities still had an upper hand. He made one last attempt to escape confession. His soul was gasping for breath by now, but his brain was still in the controlling position.

Jignesh: “I can understand, but please can you not grant me this much liberty of knowing that whatever it is, it was my limitation and I do admit my mistake in it as well. I agree to whatever you say and your right to know is also justified, but my fear of losing you is killing me.”

Jahnavi: “Well, if that is the case, then let me tell you that, if you tell me, then there are chances I might not go away, but coming this far, now if you decide not to tell me and convince me for the same, then I will definitely go away and never come back to you, come what may.”

Jignesh knew his brain was losing, and since Jahnavi was the only child of her parents, her stubbornness was not a surprise, after all he was also no less stubborn being the only child. He finally prepares himself for the worst outcome of his confession and tells her everything about how Sid had helped him and how he had suggested him how to talk, apologize, and how Sid had shared his skills of handling girls. Jignesh admitted he used to get confused with her behavior and reaction at those debacles and then Sid used to explain him and guide him further and that they owe a lot to Sid for their relationship. Had it not been for Sid, the relation would have never nurtured so far so beautifully.

Jahnavi was listening, dumbfounded, speechless and awestruck. She could not find any words and kept pondering over whatever Jignesh had just told her. She was happy that he finally mustered courage and listened to his soul and also confessed, but his confession had far reaching repercussions. Since yesterday, dramatic colors were getting added to the hitherto black and white image of Jignesh; Jahnavi had so far developed with her own observations and analysis.

First of all, he was not boring, he acted moronic, but he lacked certain realization powers as well, which she had so far thought he possessed, but now she came to know it was Sid’s contribution that worked. But then Jignesh was truthful, honest and the moment he realized that the relation was getting serious he cleared the initial veil. This she treasured. Also everyone is not born intelligent, people tend to get matured with experiences and also learn from them. Jahnavi was happy that Jignesh had proved himself as a quick learner, this showed that he did not have ego, for ego is the biggest hurdle to learning.

Jignesh was getting wary over her silence and interpreted it wrongly. Sadly he moved out of the place, thinking he has lost her forever and will treasure whatever time he has spent with her so far. But he was feeling much lighter confessing. Jahnavi was so deeply involved in her thought process that she did not realize Jignesh leaving and by the time she did, he was gone. She sighed, smiled, and thought she will call him.

The Brain and the Soul

All the characters referred to in the below blog are fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead whatsoever. Any co-incidence is purely co-incidental and unintentional.

First time readers, please refer to the post Out of Syllabus for reference.

They went on talking, over the coffee. Jahnavi was surprised knowing a totally and completely different Jignesh. She came to know, how much he loved his mother and how his mother had always been so proud that Jignesh was good in studies and was not made of the typical stuff, boys are made of, running after girls. Jahnavi realized she was falling for him. She stopped him abruptly,

Jahnavi: “I need to go, just forgot some task. Will catch you tomorrow.”
Jignesh: “OK”.

Jignesh never insisted on anything, even if he wanted to. He wanted to tell her many things, but she wanted to leave and he had also sensed something so he did not stop her and bade her Bye-Bye. Being an ardent student of biology, he was well aware that sudden remembrances do not occur unintentionally. Whenever the brain starts processing something that the soul or the mind does not approve of, a separate processing thread is started in the brain, wherein it tries to find an escape route. And it comes out as a sudden remembrance; I just remembered I have forgotten something important, is the instant response normally and usually in such cases. Jahnavi had also reacted similarly, Jignesh could understand, stopping her now would have meant inviting unnecessary troubles, because right now she was not ready to discuss. Jignesh knew this, so he let her off, acting stupidly as if actually believing Jahnavi’s ordered chaos of the remembrance crap. He saw his watch, Six-Fifteen PM, time to go back to studies he thought. He dashed off to the library and buried himself in books.

Jahnavi reached home and went straight into her room. She was feeling very uneasy. Jahnavi was surrounded by a whirlwind of thoughts. She was recalling all those ‘debacles’ with Jignesh and was thinking, was he really the same Jignesh who used to commit blunders? Was it that unintentional? Or was he just portraying such a boring image just to keep girls away? It all seemed so perfect, for Jignesh was always the same, boring and bio-bragging, with all girls, his image actually was that of a moron. He had earned the dubious reputation of a bookworm himself. And she had never seen him trying to talk to any other girl, nor had she seen him clarifying to any other girl about his stand. Jahnavi was startled. She started respecting Jignesh all the more. Just because his mom expected him not to fall for a girl, he had been trying hard to present an image which girls would normally hate and stay away but Jahnavi somehow was kept drawn to him and was slowly seeing a totally different Jignesh hidden inside.

She also thought that if really Jignesh was that boring, she would not have tolerated him for a moment and they would not have had such memorable and wonderful coffee meets. And Jignesh was not only smart, he was over-smart. He had not only dropped subtle hints of his liking for Jahnavi, but also had simultaneously maintained a boring image which he used smartly to ward her off when the situation went out of control or he feared being exposed. By Nature’s design, emotionally girls are smarter than boys, and Jignesh knew this very well (thanks to his undisputable knowledge grip on Biology). He was well aware that being a sensitive and emotional yet well-cultured girl, Jahnavi will catch his hints and his acquaintance with her shall always go on in the positive direction, till the matter came to developing a relation which was a mutual process and needed a dual participation. Slowly Jahnavi was realizing that it was not solely she who was feeling attracted to him despite his debacles, but that moron, that bio-geek also had dropped several hints which her sub-conscious mind, her soul caught and her brain processed.

She started fearing herself. She was losing control over herself, she was feeling all the more drawn to him. She wanted to talk to him, know him, understand him, what irritates him, what pleases him, she wanted to know all, and she wanted to study him, SHE WANTED HIM. She wanted the person called Jignesh, she had fallen for him. She had fallen for him for he did not fail his mother, he always maintained a pseudo-positive image and also studied very hard to stand up to her expectations, she had fallen for him for he had liked her and yet he chose to abide by his decision but also smartly used his knowledge on biology and psychology to communicate his wishes to her. She fell for his smartness and his righteousness and his principles.

But there was more to this. These were the things, she had realized but reality was different. She was not aware that had it not been for Sid, Jignesh could not have come out of those bottlenecks when she had decided never to talk to him again. And he was still the same, he will not change. The moment he realizes he is coming out of his self-imposed shell, and might go back on his mom’s standing, he would re-invoke the BIOLOGICAL MONSTER and would go inside his shell like a tortoise. And this meant that she would never be sure from Jignesh’s side about the relationship. Does he really LOVE her? Did he also fall for her the way she had fallen for him? Did Jignesh notice those qualities of hers that she wanted him to, and the way she had noticed his qualities and appreciated them? Answers to these questions will haunt her, which only Jignesh can give, and he will have to EXPRESS these ANSWERS, something whose possibility looked remote to her, at least in the near future. For now, a startling revelation was basking in her glory and that being; Jignesh was a moron by choice and not by chance. His brain made him act moronic, and not his soul. Jahnavi had always despised the brain as it plans, manipulates and extrapolates. She liked the soul, which felt and advised expression. Her soul was in love with Jignesh’s soul, but her brain feared his brain.

On the other hand, Jignesh was slowly realizing how he had been losing his concentration-quotient in BIOLOGY. Only one thing haunted him now, What if mom comes to know? He knew his mom loved him very much and knew him inside out and top to bottom. He could not and should not try to out-smart her. She had brought him into this world, and nurtured him with her love laced with good values, principles just like a plant. He was her baby. But he had hidden his LOVE for Jahnavi from his mom and all she knew about Jahnavi was that she was his college friend. How could he tell her and the first thing that his mom is gonna fear is about his studies and he will have a tough time convincing her that his studies will not be affected. But anyways he knew these were manageable issues as he knew his mom understood that Jignesh was young and this was HIS AGE to possibly like some girl and there was nothing wrong in it.

Issues demanding a higher level of contention and a more serious consideration were between him and Jahnavi. Although he was sure she was attracted to him and was pretty sure that his SUBTLE hints had done their share of work on Jahnavi (the coffee meets and her smiles and her eyes after all the debacles were sure-shot evidence of this), he was not sure how Jahnavi would react to them and whether she will take them positively for they were YET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. Also he knew Jahnavi was a female and he will have to read between her lines to get to know her properly. His moronic image helped him to do so to a certain extent, as Jahnavi would sometimes get a bit easy with him taking him to be a moron, under a ray of hope that she expressed herself and yet went unnoticed. Jignesh enjoyed this part very much. But this was just on a lighter note. He was aware things were getting serious and he would no longer be able to continue to hide under his tortoise-shell. He will have to come out and express himself, something his soul had always wanted but his brain stopped. He knew that now the questions were increasing in his mind as well as Jahnavi’s and those questions were not at all ignorable.

And those questions can only be answered with certain facts coming out, the first and foremost of them being Sid. He will have to tell her that had it not been for Sid, Jahnavi would have never known the real Jignesh. This involved the risk of Jahnavi getting annoyed with Jignesh, for she had always thought it was Jignesh’s realization which made him come back and try to patch-up. But it is impossible to hide lies and erase facts. Though Jahnavi had never asked him, what made him come back to her to patch up, he knew the question was in pipeline and he wanted to tell her before she asked. This was a burden on him, which he could no longer take. His soul advised confession, his brain contested. But this time he listened to his soul and decided that he will disclose about Sid to Jahnavi in their next meeting. He saw his watch, Seven-Forty Five PM. Time to get back to home, he thought. Never before in his life did Jignesh wish that he could travel forth in time and go to the next morning where he would have a cup of tea with Jahnavi before the lectures and tell her about Sid. But TIME had its own physics. His soul was lightened now, his brain worried.

Life or Years?

All the characters referred to in the below blog are fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead whatsoever. Any co-incidence is purely co-incidental and unintentional.

Natasha woke up and found herself in a hotel room. She was shabbily dressed and was not able to recollect how she had landed in this room. She saw the menu card lying there, and read the name of the hotel, “Nandan Van, FC road Pune”. Pune!!!, how come I reached Pune from Bangalore! She thought. But she was not at all able to recollect the last 2 days of her life. And again on returning back to Bangalore, the same fear followed her, someone stalking her. This fear was killing her and she was not able to concentrate. She walked straight into the chamber of Dr. Suresh Malhotra. After listening carefully to her, and her problems of her fears of being stalked, her complete loss of memory over elongated periods sometimes extending to weeks and people around her trying to remind her of instances, of which she is completely unaware of and sometimes finding herself in places, she had never thought of visiting or any remembrance of how she reached there, Dr. Suresh could conclude only one thing, the presence of alters in Natasha. She was a victim of a psychological disorder called Dissociative Identity Disorder, better known as the Multiple Personality Disorder to the layman. This was further corroborated with the fact that people have sometimes addressed Natasha as Nisha, Nausheen and Rosemary. The problem was grave, Dr. Suresh thought, 4 alters. He thought. But this was not the right time to disclose. He just told Natasha that she was overworked and needed rest. He advised her to go on a vacation, thus buying time to work on the case. After she left, the problem persisted. Dr. Suresh was pondering over it.

In the evening he met his pal Dr. Amitesh Mehra, who was talking about a case of “ischiophagus conjoined parasitic twins”, a rare case of conjugal Siamese twins, where the child has two pairs of limbs, hands and the other twin is residing inside the host, sharing nutrition, kidney, anal channel and excretory channels. Dr. Suresh was bewildered at hearing it. Nature had its own way of performing miracles he thought. On one side he had a case of Dissociative Identity Disorder, where the person herself was not aware of the existence of three other personalities residing within who take up turns to make her perform things she’d never imagined. Also when the alters (the personalities, Nisha, Nausheen and Rosemary better referred to as alters henceforth) took control Natasha was lost, a personality, a part of Natasha was lost. On the other side he was hearing a case of parasitic twins, where a real physical person resided inside another, two personalities, completely distinct, sharing space and nutrition.

Dr. Suresh: “So how do you think are you going to cure the parasitic twins?”
Dr. Amitesh: “We will operate on them and separate them through surgery. The operation may take anything between 28 – 35 hrs, depending on how well the patient responds to the treatment. Also we have other issues like tissue growth and kidney transplant, the parasitic twin is drawing nutrition from the host. Alimentary canal and the breathing duct also need to be separated.”
Dr. Suresh: “Seems complex but at least you have something physical and concrete to work on.”
Dr. Amitesh: “What’s the matter with you?”
Dr. Suresh told him of the case of Natasha. Although multiple personality disorder has a rich history and literature, it is a practically incurable disease so far with no guarantee on the timeline. It all depends on the origin of the personalities and the very fact that patients sometimes refuse treatment, on grounds that they are not ill and no personality resides within them. Dr. Suresh thought how different personality development is from the case of parasitic twins. Not very much except for the fact that the two personalities in the parasitic twins case have a separate physical existence, here the same person assumes different roles, portrays altogether different personas. But parasitic twins do not harm anybody. But people with multiple personality are rarely harmless. Natasha can be very harmful, it will be very necessary to dig into her past and know the reasons that have given rise to these alters in her. But that being a cumbersome and lengthy process, void of any guarantee of success even after elongated psychotherapist sessions, Dr. Suresh was getting wary over it, when he heard Dr. Jaya Mathur speaking to someone on phone,
Jaya: “After listening to your case, it seems the person is suffering from BorderLine Personality Disorder.” Dr. Suresh was alarmed hearing the words, BorderLine Personality Disorder. Another psychological disorder which wreaks havoc on the life of the patients and the loved ones of the patient.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is defined as a personality disorder primarily characterized by emotional dysregulation, extreme "black and white" thinking, or "splitting", and chaotic relationships. Their mood swings like a pendulum and they can love someone till eternity in a moment and at the very next moment they hate them to the extent of posing any harm to them. Dr. Suresh was thinking about all this and thought how psychological disorders had led to most of the problems in today’s life. The most alarming fact was the rise in the number of such cases with modernization and urbanization. This was surely related to the increase in the stress level of the population. The average income of an individual has no doubt increased manifold, but as they say, everything has a price; the increase in income brought with itself an increased paranoia to invite more and more stress in life. Today as we see youngsters starting their earnings with thousands, magnitude times with what their fathers started, but living standards have shown a dramatic downfall. They might have added years to life, but have not added life to years.

Out of Syllabus

All the characters referred to in the below blog are fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead whatsoever. Any co-incidence is purely co-incidental and unintentional.

For first time readers, please refer to the post, “Bio Geek or a Moron?” and Cupid Strikes for reference.

Jignesh: “What is love?”
Jahnavi was shocked. Who the hell on earth is asking this? That Bio Geek? And she thanked the HEAVENS for not asking this question to Jignesh otherwise another debacle would have taken place. GOD knows what new hormones she would have known by now that would initiate the feeling of love in an individual. Although their daily coffee meets post college had brought radical changes in Jignesh and he had seen a new world that could exist without discussing BIOLOGY. But this time it was Jahnavi’s turn to answer.
Jahnavi: “Love is a wonderful feeling, Jignesh. It gives you the meaning to live. It adds essence to your life. We are humans, we crave for love. Whether anyone accepts or not, but every individual on this earth needs love to carry on in life and this love can come in various forms in our life through different relations.
Jignesh: “Hmmm, so you mean to say Love exists between friends?”
Now this was a double trap. If she answered YES, she would definitely blush and she did not want her feelings to come out right now and that too so easily for Jignesh. Although there were high chances, that moron would not catch her blush and relate it further, she was in no mood to take chances. And answering NO was a blatant lie, something she did not want to speak as she hated lies and she hated people who lie. She was a truthful person. But she was smart as well. There was an opportunity in disguise of a trap.
Jahnavi: “I have already answered that part. Why do we have to tell everything twice to you men? Are you so dumb? Are you so idiotic?”
Jignesh’s jaws dropped. He was realizing that the wheel was turning now. So long he had bored her with his BIO knowledge, and poor Jahnavi who did not understand BIO would get disappointed and leave the place. Love, feelings et al was alien for Jignesh and he was now feeling the same. He tried to recollect Jahnavi’s words but in vain.
Jahnavi, on the other hand, was having a field day. Not only she had diverted him from that dubious question, she was also successfully instrumental in confusing him – a silent wish she had desired since Jignesh had first lectured her. But she was feeling sad for him, as when Jignesh had bored her, poor thing had done it unintentionally, but now she was doing it intentionally. She covered up immediately. She could never tease him for long. And never ever hurt him. This is love. She thought.

Jahnavi: “OK let me help you with that, you see I told you that love can come in various forms in our life through different relations.”
Jignesh: “So?”
Jahnavi: “Just shut up and listen, you speak so much!!!”
Jignesh: “Me!!!”
Jahnavi: “Listen”
Her voice was stern. Jignesh knew it was time to shut up. He did so. Jahnavi continued.
Jahnavi: “GOD knows we will need love to survive. So we have our parents, brothers and sisters who love us so much. They care for us, they have concern for us and the same applies back on us as well. We, in turn, also have similar feelings for them and that is why we can fall back on them in times of distress. But they may not be with us all the time and sometimes we cannot be completely free with them, thanks to the ever-existing non-bridgeable generation gap. So we have friends, some close, some not so close, some very close and some special. But whatever I say Love is a very complex feeling and one cannot just describe it in words like some stupid BIO topic by writing an article on it and feeling happy. Love is a feeling, an ecstasy and an agony at the same time. It comes as a wholesome package of pains and gains and one has to accept both. When you do not do so, you lose it and you lose it forever. I had once read a beautiful analogy of love. It was given by none other than Swami Vivekananda. This is what he had said about love. Love is like water. If you close your hand and try to retain it within the physical periphery of your hands, it will slip out of the small gaps of fingers. All you will be left with is its impression which will soon evaporate. On the other hand if you keep your fist open and lower your palm (note the silent analogy of palm with ego and that of fist with mindset and outlook), the water will collect in the shallow duct of your palm and shall stay with you forever.
Jahnavi was surprised at her own clemency on the view of love. She realized it in an instant, she was experiencing the bliss now (the gain part of the love, poor thing was not aware that the pain part was soon to follow).
Jignesh was dumbfounded. He was feeling nice listening to Jahnavi and had been looking at her all the while she was speaking and he realized that he enjoyed her company very much. He was also slowly realizing it. He was falling in love with her. So far he was attracted to her, much like a young boy feeling attracted to a beautiful, charming and appealing girl. But today Jignesh was falling in Love with the person called Jahnavi. He started respecting her as a girl of substance, much in contrast to his views of girls so far. But something told him this was not the right time to go public about his newly found feeling.

Jignesh: “But what about those hormones whose secretion increases when your beloved touches you?”
Jahnavi: “Oh Lord, can’t you take an oath not to utter these sort of words at least for 12 hours.”
Jignesh knew she was upset, but the trick worked. The terrible mistake he had performed asking her about love was now covered up. He was smiling. Jahnavi caught that smile. She sensed naughtiness in it. She realized the BIO attack was a cover up to conceal something more vital. Perhaps she also wanted the same, so she got up from there saying, “Have a nice time with your BIO, I am leaving.”
Now hardly Jignesh had intended this. It was only 90 minutes since they had sat together. He shouted from his place, “When did you take the oath of not having a coffee?”
Jahnavi stopped; Jignesh got up from his seat and went up to her. She was horrified, seeing his walk. Please do not commit any blunder right here, right now.
Jignesh smiled. She sighed and then smiled. Both of them marched off to the canteen. But Jignesh had decided not to ask out of syllabus questions to Jahnavi again. Cupid was working.

Cupid Strikes

All the characters referred to in the below blog are fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead whatsoever. Any co-incidence is purely co-incidental and unintentional.

For first time readers, please refer to the post, “Bio Geek or a Moron?” for continuity.

Jignesh had lost control by now. Two debacles in the same day, he could no longer take it. He had to talk to Siddharth. So goes Sid’s cell ringing. Jignesh calling. Another debacle, Sid thought, since Jignesh never called him inside college without meeting Jahnavi and committing a blunder. Lest was he aware that this time our hero had achieved a double feat. He picked up the call.
Sid: “Now what is it that you have done?”
Jignesh was disturbed by this; his debacles with Jahnavi had always disturbed him, because they were always unintended. But somehow he gathered himself and responded.
Jignesh: Hey I need to talk to you, cannot tell you over phone. Where are you?”
Sid: I am coming to the canteen, meet me there.”
Jignesh was still sitting in the canteen, lost in his thoughts, when he was jolted out of the reverie by Siddharth who spotted him sitting in the corner table, sad and disgusted. He sat beside him, and asked, “What is it?” Jignesh told him the whole event line-up, the library, the yawn, the coffee and the cockroach and his desire to wish her on her birthday and how he had just opened his mouth to wish her when she spotted the cockroach. Siddharth understood the matter.
Jignesh: “I just can’t handle it anymore. She thinks I like flaunting my biology knowledge on her, but you know it is not like that. I really want to talk to her, but whenever I see her I just get so nervous, I end up committing a blunder. Now what do I do?”
Sid: “Call her up and apologize first and then wish her and do not give stupid and idiotic justifications and explanations. Just do not make it too long on the phone. Keep it short and simple. JUST APOLOGIZE AND WISH. And this time I will sit beside you in the call. If you make any mistake, I will handle it thereafter.”
Jignesh: “Never, I will not be able to speak a single word in front of you and if she comes to know that you are with me, she will consider me a real moron who can commit blunders independently but needs a friend to apologize. Please, I will not talk in front of you. I will update you.”
Sid: “You are talking sense, for a change. But be careful, do not be nervous and do as I have told you. I hope to hear some good news after this, no bad news. Please.”
Jignesh was all smiles; his brother had boosted his confidence. “Thanks bro. I will do it this time, do not worry. Call you soon after calling her.”
He gathered himself for the call, cursing himself for having landed in such a situation. Reluctantly he dialed the number. Tring Tring. Jignesh Calling. Jahnavi was very sad. She knew Jignesh had not intended the cockroach debacle as she was well aware, how truly he loved the subject and was a champion at that too. But she was saddened realizing that Jignesh was not able to gauge the situation before opening his mouth. Stupid girl was finding her MAN in Jignesh. The rings were going but she did not want to talk to him now. She muted the phone and sat there, keeping her head down in a lonely classroom. Jignesh got the message. It is more serious. He called up Sid and apprised him. Sid pondered over it.
Jignesh: “She does not want to talk to me anymore I guess.”
Sid knew Jignesh was right but this was not the right time to confirm his fears. He told him something. Jignesh was all smiles again. Jignesh knew of three places to look for her - the library, girls’ common room or the top floor which had empty classrooms. He searched for her everywhere until he located her sitting lonely in a classroom with heads down. He sincerely prayed to the HEAVENS above – God she should not cry.
Jignesh: “Wish you a very very happy birthday.”
Jahnavi looked up. She was in a fix.
Jignesh: “Now look before you forgive me; let me say I AM REALLY SORRY. Actually I just wanted to tell you that you are not at all boring. I had been studying since 2 hrs, so was feeling a bit drowsy. And I had not forgotten your birthday. I had actually come there to wish you over the coffee but the creature appeared from nowhere and I did the same mistake again. I know it is hard for you to digest all this, but please believe me; I just wanted to spend some time with you. That’s it”
He spoke all that Sid had told him to gobble out with a single breath stroke. Jahnavi was listening, dumbfounded. Am I dreaming? She could never expect Jignesh could speak so nicely and tell her all that she was dying to listen. Birthday wish, apology, acceptance of blunder, clarifications. She just wanted to go back in time and listen to it all over. She feared asking Jignesh to repeat it, as that would mean re-inviting the BIOLOGICAL MONSTER residing within him, who had been somehow sent to hibernation for now. She gave him a cheery smile. They shook hands, he wished her again and asked her, “Friends again?” Jahnavi giggled again, she was beaming with joy. Her happiness knew no bounds. She said, shyly, “Yes.” Jignesh managed a grin. Seeing this she burst out of laughing. “Oh Jignesh, why do you land yourself up in so much trouble?” She managed to speak between intermittent laughter bursts. Jignesh saw her laughing like an innocent baby. She was indeed happy. And seeing her happy, he was very happy. He thanked Sid a zillion times for the idea of seeing if she’s around in the college and then also suggesting him what to say. Sid knew the art of handling girls very well. Slowly he realized how he treasured Jahnavi’s happiness. He wanted to enjoy this moment. Jahnavi also wanted to enjoy the moment.
Jahnavi: “Still I cannot believe that you can tell me all this!!!” She was still smiling.
Jignesh: “Actually even I had not believed I could tell you all this. It happens; we are ourselves not aware of many things. There is a layer of sub-consciousness residing in us beneath the conscious layer. It is just like a recorder. It records and stores everything. Moreover it has got processing powers as well and knows which tape has to be played when and which tapes are never to be played. It is all those gut feelings that we get, those are the sub-conscious voices. Sometimes we listen to them, sometimes we don’t……”
Now Jahnavi was exasperated. The MONSTER had awakened. Jignesh was in a fix as usual. He had smartly avoided it so far, but the slightest provocation was more than enough for him. But he had learnt his lesson today. Before Jahnavi went out of sight, he rushed towards her, caught her by her hand and just looked straight into her eyes. She melted. He smiled, she smiled, they both smiled.
Jahnavi: “I am not going to forgive you for this without a sorry.”
Jignesh:”Do you mind adding coffee to the list?”
Now the real Jignesh was showing up slowly and gradually. Jahnavi liked it.
Jahnavi: “Only if you promise me not to start the BIO again.”
Jignesh laughed and both of them headed towards the canteen. Sid was stunned seeing them sitting together and enjoying coffee. But he was happy. Cupid Struck. He thought.

The Wheel Turns

Twenty years ago, the cricket stars were the GENTLEMEN, who used to play seasonal cricket and did have alternative careers. Today we see cricket as an emerging alternative career option with what all these young cricketers becoming role models for today’s youth. They participate in brandishing products, sporting fashionable looks, attractive hairdos, flaunting latest gizmos and define themselves as a perfect style icon apart from being aggressive at the field. What with the team comprising of youngsters, more and more young blood is being preferred vis-à-vis experience.

Earlier we had all the politicians who were some sixty years of age and had very little exposure to the actual progress going on in the world and the country was run on traditional policies resulting in more consumption than production in the economy as a whole. But now we have the “Lead India” movement initiated by the Times Of India which is inviting young aspiring India not only to be a part of the political mainstream but also to be a part of socially relevant projects.

Hence we see that the wheel is turning now. What was not acceptable in the yesteryears is becoming the talk of the town now. This is universal law. The wheel turns itself and takes 180 degrees turn. The participants become spectators and spectators step ahead to participate, the tormentor takes a backseat while the victim becomes vindictive. Numerous such examples can be found.

Pakistan has been facilitating the spread of terrorism on the Indian soil for centuries, providing logistics like weaponry, manpower, funds, intelligence, training camps etc. And now we are seeing a spate of terrorist activity and jihadist camps on the Pakistani soil, political instability, and finally emergency being declared there with the dissolution of the constitution. What Pakistan has been propagating for so many years in its neighborhood, is now surfacing in its own ambience. The resurfacing of the Taliban in its Frontier Province. The wheel has turned.

For years the Fairer Sex has been oppressed and tortured, but now we see more and more girls are coming forward taking up challenging opportunities dealing a crushing blow to the male ego. But slowly it has been accepted. The title of the “TORMENTOR” was ubiquitously attached with the Sterner Sex, and that of “VICTIM” with the Fairer Sex. But now we see the wheel turning as more and more husbands are coming up with horrifying tales of harassment at the hands of the police. judiciary and the legislative executive because of false and frivolous complaints of dowry harassment from their unscrupulous and vindictively vicious wives. What with popular and dignified news channel like IBN 7 showcasing such real life stories of tragedy and trauma on their program “Zindagi Live”. The wheel has turned.

Negativity Works

All the characters referred to in the below blog are fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead whatsoever. Any co-incidence is purely co-incidental and unintentional.

X: “Hey you know A, she seeing B these days.”
Y: “Oh really!!! how come you know about it?”
X: “I had been closely following the two, and then rounded up A over it, initially she was hesitant but I was insistent, and she succumbed, admitted to having seeing him, but says they are JUST FRIENDS and that’s it.”
Y: “Oh I see. Interesting.”
X: “But it stays between us, right? I’d promised A not to disclose this to anyone, but you know we share everything, so just told YOU.”
Y: “Yeah don’t worry.”
Both of them sign each other off exchanging pleasantries. Exactly similar conversation takes place after some time between X & Z and Y & W.

X: “Hi, blah blah blah”
Z: “blah blah blah”
X: “But it stays between us, right? I’d promised A not to disclose this to anyone, but you know we share everything, so just told YOU.”
Z: “Yeah don’t worry.”
Y: “Hi, blah blah blah”
W: “blah blah blah”
Y: “But it stays between us, right? I’d promised A not to disclose this to anyone, but you know we share everything, so just told YOU.”
W: “Yeah don’t worry.”
So on and so forth, the word spreads. Almost every body comes to know about the on going JUST FRIENDSHIP between A and B. B does not like it. Men never like it and women do not want it to happen but it still happens. And it happened here because A trusted X and confided about her relationship to B but on condition of concealment. X promised but went back on her words. And then the same thing happened with Y, he also went back on his words and so went back all those W’s, Z’s et al. who not only spread the word about the relationship of A and B but also other stories started making rounds. A and B remained the hot topic of discussion in the office for some days until someone said that the VP had been seen at a dinner at the Taj with his secretary and the focus of gossip shifted, a hotter topic was available, but in this case there was neither any element of concealment present, nor its presence justified, but in the earlier case A had told X not to disclose, but still X did, so what prompted X to do so?
Jealousy towards A for having gotten B, excitement, anxiety, some grudge against either of A or B or some other cause. Well all of the above causes do find their respective share of justification in the explanation for X’s behavior, but still all the above are circumstantial, the presence of which might / might not have triggered the spreading of rumors as also all / some / none of the causes might again not apply to the behavior of the Y’s, W’s et al. So there has to be some sort of commonality in the behavior pattern and so arises the obvious question as to what is it?
Well the answer is ‘Its negativity’. The element of negativity in all the conversations is fairly obvious yet unnoticed. Let us have a look at the following statements.

But it stays between us, right? I’d promised A not to disclose this to anyone, but you know we share everything, so just told YOU.

This is the negativity involved. X thinks, why is A telling this to me. And there is an element of forbiddingness in the statement that provokes. As a natural tendency human beings tend to do forbidden things first hand. If history is to be believed then supposedly this element of negativity explains the propagation of human race. Eve was forbidden to eat the APPLE, but the element of negativity in the forbiddingness compelled her to do the FIRST SIN and rest is history and ever since it has been this element of negativity that has served as the driving force between all the major events so far, constructive or destructive.

As a destructive tool it is the easiest method to spread rumors and falsities about anyone. The statement, “DO NOT TELL ANYONE” is a self-provoking one. It sparks a plethora of questions, the first one being, “If it is not meant to be told to ANYBODY, then WHY AM I THE CHOSEN ONE.” and some other obvious questions as well, “What are the implications if I spread / keep mum / or discuss with someone in private. The first two options might seem a little dramatic, but the third option most often rules the roost.

Discuss with someone in private, but the irony here is that paradox involved in the underlying negativity element which slowly includes everyone in the ambit of someone and the word is out. But negativity is not about spreading rumors or a mere characteristic behavioral pattern of gossip-mongers. It has many positive effects as well. The mandate of negativity is to generate curiosity and this can work in a constructive manner as well.

Let us get back to the start of the world. What if negativity did not exist in human nature and Eve had not taken that APPLE, Adam and Eve would never have participated in the first ever creation process and human race would not have propagated. It was the negativity element in Eve’s nature that she, on being forbidden to have the apple, got provoked, had it and then time witnessed expansion of human race. So is negativity a boon in disguise? A question too hard to answer. Even in mathematics the sign for positive ‘+’ is formed by crossing the sign for negative ‘-‘, which clearly shows the endowment of EVIL prior to the bestowing of GOOD.