The Obituary of an e - suicider

All the characters in the blog are Imaginary and bear no resemblance with any character living or dead. Any resemblance is purely co – incidental.

Rajesh is a hard – working NRI who is being viewed as a juicy catch for extorting money by embroiling him in false cases of dowry harassment. If he vows to fight against them, he will have to finish off his career abroad and come back to India. If he does not decide to fight, he will be continued to be harassed, economically, socially, legally, and spiritually as the girls’ side in tandem with the police, the lawyers and the judiciary view him as a FREE ATM MACHINE and are out to ruin him in the name of Women Empowerment.

Enter Save Indian Family Foundation, a group of dedicated citizens who are committed to the cause of awakening the sleeping society, media, government and law makers to realize the evils of radical feminism. The most peculiar thing about this group is that they offer free advice on how to combat this ongoing Legal Terrorism. So Rajesh contacts the group over the internet and posts his confusion, whether he should pay or fight.

Rajesh: “What do you guys suggest, they are asking 10 lacs should I pay and get rid of?”

Vrujesh (Conservative Member): “No, do not think on lines of paying. You will be ruined more.”

Abhijat (Liberal Member): “Pay and get rid man, 10 lacs is just 2 months salary for you. And then enjoy life. Ignore these witches.”

Vrujesh: “Abhijat, if you do not know how to suggest people or find it difficult to comprehend the gravity of the situation, JUST SHUT UP.”

Sarkar (Stricter Conservative): “56, 000 men are committing suicide. What have you done for them? This legal terrorism is not going to stop like this. People like you indirectly support the spread of misuse.”

Abhijat: “Hey what are you talking? I am not wrong. There is no point in fighting against this misuse and wasting your life. People those who do not have any work to do will participate in such activity.”

Vrujesh: “Abhijat, don’t create a mess here. People come to us for genuine advice; if that is hard for you to give, simply shut your mouth up.”

Rajesh: “Guys please calm down; I am not going to pay.”

Sarkar: “Dear Abhijat, you look to me like some feminist.”

Abhijat: “You guys think you own the movement. You don’t know my links; I will abolish your movement.”

Mythical (Mysterious character): “Dear, SIFF is a movement. It is in everyone’s heart. If you think abolishing this group you can stop the movement, go ahead.”

Vrujesh: “Eh, hello, Mr. Abhijat, who do you think you are? Let me tell the group about your history. Some months ago you were the one trying to brainwash people that 498a will not happen if there is true love etc. etc. Then you came up with the bullshit idea of appointing lawyers for SIFF and extort money there. Having thus failed you are now brainwashing people into paying. By the way how is your life going on with your new mistress, with whom you have started staying without taking divorce from your first wife? You give a wrong advice next time and it won’t take us long before banning you from the group.”

Satwinder (Conservatively Liberal): “Dear Abhijat, why did you marry without taking divorce?”

Abhijat: “Group, I am sorry for causing the nuisance. Vrujesh, Sarkar, I am sorry.”

NeerKamal (Liberally Conservative): “Chill guys, all have their opinions. At least now we have a good discussion on this. Please stop this mudslinging.”

Discussion ends, and another quasi – feminist quasi metro – sexual commits, what is becoming a trend these days, e – suicide. That is a virtual suicide. A suicide of thoughts. A vagabond of ideas, not knowing where to present them and how to present them and trying to convince people with a seemingly tempting but morally empty idea and then failing miserably.

Whether Abhijat had done intentionally or not is best known to him only, but he has lost all credibility on this forum. In future even if he gives sincere advice, by mistake, he will viewed with suspicion as he has suggested what most money mongers suggest when a man is made a scapegoat of radical feminism by slapping him with false cases.

This post was an obituary of the e – suicider. Let us pay him our homage, by not moving our mouse for 2 minutes, neither touching the keyboard, nor navigating away from this page. Let us pay Abhijat’s e – soul an e – silence.

Don't be a wife, Live-in and extort

National Commission of Women (NCW), recently proposed an amendment of Section 125 CrPC to include women involved in live – in relationships to be eligible for alimony from their live –in partners. This proposed amendment has far reaching consequences, which it is evident that the champion of women’s causes, National Commission of Women seemed to have conveniently ignored.

Granting women involved in live – in relationships a right to claim alimony is a direct insult of the most sacrosanct social institution, marriage, as in India, a marriage is a solemnized vow to support each other through thick and thin taken in the presence of community elders and with their blessings, but, in contrast, a live – in relationship is initiated by the couple just as a means to stay together. But unlike marriage, the commitment factor in a live – in relationship is very low as the ties are very easy to break. There are no liabilities involved from either side.

But giving women an extra and added advantage over men in a live – in relationship is by no means becoming of a national body like NCW. It will be highly immature on their part to assume that all relationships end due to men’s fault and hence they should be made to pay for the same in the form of alimony. After totally lopsided and stringent provisions under the anti – dowry provision, which are misused to the tune of 98 % as provided by the 2 % conviction rate in 498A cases as per National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) data, which has killed the institution of marriage silently, it seems it is now the turn of live – in relationships.

What the logical rationale fails to understand is how any person having the slightest of common sense can draft any provision on the basis of a generalized statement that all men are criminals and all women are truthfully innocent. When there is a provision to extract money legally, why will a woman not initiate a live – in relationship, break it at will and then harass the man for whole life. As it is the concept of live – in relationship has not come of its age in the Indian society and will also not come as Indian societal scenario is hundred times more complex than western society which is being beautifully attempted to be aped here.

And what do we expect the next step? To legalize children born out of such relationships and promulgate the concept of fatherless society wherein any couple starts living together, parts at will and leaves the children in lurch. Such children will have deep psychological scars rendering them very vulnerable to the possibility of turning into criminals with a multiplicity factor of 9 – 10. Rather than inviting women to start relationships and end them to earn tax – free money without doing any work, the NCW needs to condemn the very idea of live – in relationships and women should not get any sops so that they are discouraged to refrain from entering the wedlock.

Also a proposed amendment in the Immoral Trafficking Act, advocates the concept of addressing prostitutes as victims. It is highly demeaning on part of the agencies championing themselves as women activists to project women as victims always and keep on giving them protection at the cost of men. Today’s women are capable of multi – tasking and are no longer living under financial slavery. Provisions allowing women to claim maintenance under the aegis of a failed relationship either need to be scrapped altogether or at least amended to make them gender neutral (thus allowing men also to lodge complaints to redress their grievances) and include severe and stringent punishments for filing false cases.

It is quite logical that when the woman knows that she will get money only on leveling allegations, she cannot be expected to sacrifice and compromise to make the relation work. It will only be the poor man who will have to keep giving in to keep the woman happy so that she does not lodge a complaint against him and the day he refuses to do so, the woman will feel ‘hurt’ and seek damages in the form of alimony as proposed by NCW. Such a provision can never ensure long lasting relationships.

The following are the proposed amendments to ensure proper justice to all and sundry:-

1) To begin with all monetary provisions need to be removed completely. Either the complainant or the defendant needs to be punished with imprisonment. If allegations are proved to be true the defendant goes to jail and if proved to be false the complainant goes to jail for an equal term for causing unnecessary harassment, torture and defamation to the defendant.

2) Secondly judgments and legal provisions need to completely gender – unbiased and based on merits and application of mind.

3) Thirdly, replace all words like man / woman, husband / wife with person and spouse respectively.

4) No alimony for earning spouses or having a capability to earn and that needs to be determined from the qualification of the petitioner.

Promulgating promiscuous women by allowing them alimony from live – in partners is just another name of Legal Prostitution as now a woman can claim a lifelong alimony by even spending one night with a man (as a prostitute) and such measures need to be severely condemned in a civilized society and the penalties need to be shared by both the partners as both of them were mature adults when the relationship was started and the decision was mutual.

The shadow of doubt in a biased system is permanent as the veil of darkness remains forever. When a man is aware that stringent legal provisions are present to penalize him on harassing a woman, he will not do it on a prima facie basis. And when a woman very well knows that her allegations and tears are going to get her free money, it is highly unlikely that she is going to level true and realistic allegations. And moreover, it takes two to clap. No relationship can be single handedly initiated and ended by a man. The woman is equal partner to every phase of the relation and thus should be made an equal partner in the brunt of the fallacy as well, if unfortunately the relation does not work.

Reconcilliation

Marriage as an institution has always been highly placed in the Indian sociological scenario. It has been always been seen as the first step towards settled life and laying the foundation of family. But as they say, “All human troubles start from the inability to sit quietly in a room,” this so called sacred institution has its own dark side. Where, on one hand, marriage provides a platform to two individuals coming from totally different backgrounds and albeit different mindsets to come together, understand each other and be each others support in life, financially, morally, spiritually, emotionally and physically, it has its own uninvited share of problems. The most talked of and debatable of the problems associated with marriage is DOWRY. Sometimes the girls’ family give dowry as a pre-assumption that the boys’ family shall keep the girl happy and sometimes it is seen from the boys side as compensation to take care of the girl. With increasing reports from the media about the torture meted out to the Indian Daughter-in-law about dowry harassment and deaths due to it, the Govt. of India formulated the Dowry Prohibition Act in 1961 and introduced Section 498A in the Indian Penal Code in the year 1983, wherein harassment of the ‘wife’ for dowry was named as a criminal offence and extremely strict measures were provided within its ambit to protect the ‘Married Woman’ from the clutches of money-hungry dowry demanders. It just required a written unverified complaint from the girl or any relative on behalf of the girl to file a criminal case against the ‘HUSBAND’ and his family members and they would be arrested immediately and sent to judicial custody until either they were bailed out or chargesheeted and trial ensued. But it was a very big catch there, since the provision gave the police discretionary powers of arrest, and that too on an unverified complaint, as also filing a false complaint under this offense and leveling false accusations against the HUSBAND and his family did not attract any punishment on the girl or her parents, a lot of false complaints have started pouring in.

The police have a field day as they get a golden chance to make money from both sides for settling the dispute and the girls’ side get an upper hand as they can now extort money from the husbands’ family using the criminal case, the fear of police, arrest, and social stigma associated with jail as a weapon. Cases where money is not a prime concern, such a false case has been used by the girls’ side to get their unjust demands conceded, like staying separate from the boys’ parents, siphon boys’ hard earned money to girls’ parents if the boy is rich / well to do, or to end a relationship where the ‘expectations’ of the girl were not met, or to break a marriage to marry someone else whom the girl is in love with, or to get custody of children, and a plethora of such reasons. But it is not always the girls’ side that has to be blamed, many a times it has been found that the girls and their family have been ill-advised and misguided by unscrupulous and insincere lawyers who are out to make their own money. There have been cases where the judges also force the boy to compromise. And in such cases and many more, the girls repent for having taken such a step and they hope for reconciliation and want to arrive at a compromise. And so we have the next obvious big question, “What should the man do, reconcile or not with a wife who has a filed a false case of dowry harassment?” So we will take a peek at that possibility, its chances of occurrence and possible / fearful repercussions.

If the boy decided to take the girl back, then on one side it looks like a marriage has been saved and both of them have given a second thought to the relationship despite considerable differences and this shall highlight the importance of the institution of marriage as also shall throw light on the necessity of tolerance, acceptance and adjustment to make a relation work. Also it shall save the courts from being overburdened with another case and both the families from the headache of another marriage. In case the couple had children, they would be spared the tragedy of a single parent, as for a successful upbringing the child needs both the parents as has been corroborated by a study in US that children brought up by single mom have a increasing tendency and majority of them turning out to be criminals when they grow up. It will also set an example to others about how a relation can be saved.

Having said that, let us have a look at the other side of the coin. It has to kept in mind that the dowry case is false and the allegations has been fabricated and a severe breach of trust has been committed by the ‘wife’, leading to severe deterioration of the economical, emotional, and reputational health of the HUSBAND and his family. If a woman can walk into the police station and levy false accusations on the husband and forces him to concede to her ‘DEMAN DS’ deemed as ‘JUST’ by an explanation sounding logic to her ears, taking undue advantage of a law that has been made to protect the ‘WEAKER’ women, this thought of bringing such a woman back into one’s life shall invite justifiable contention. When already she has crossed the line, what is the guarantee that she will not cross it again or she will not cross it again with a larger fury? The first time she filed the complaint in a fit of immaturity and had not done her homework properly and therefore could not get what she wanted and thus offers the bait of compromise to be able to enter the house again and plan a proper route to jail for her husband and her in-laws. She will collect evidence in her favor, humiliate in-laws and instigate them to create a scene of violence, for when a woman gets vindictive she gets very dangerous and ruins everyone around her, including self. She can forge drama that there has been attempt to her life and limb by any means like, cutting her hands, or setting her sari on fire and dousing it and portraying it as act to murder her and all she has to do is to utter the word, ‘DOWRY’ in front of the police and the in-laws are behind bars and in deep shit, even if they are innocent and the woman shall have the power to make them dance at her whims and fancies.

Bringing her back, would also empower her by granting access to your possessions (financial instruments, emotions, attachments) to a serpentine creature, who can misuse them to the core. It will set a bad example in a society encouraging other women to resort to such tactics and rule their husband’s life and family. We need to keep in mind that no law can run a household and once the petty marital discords have been shaded legally, the relationship has been murdered in all practical aspects and it is just a matter of time before it is dead on paper. Even if the couple has children and they reconcile for the children, it will be very hard for the couple to stay peacefully, the grudge shall always remain, howsoever the husband is mature and understanding and those children shall always see their parents fighting and will fail to develop faith in the institution of marriage. Expectations should have a limit. If the woman expects that she will keep dancing and choreographing her husband’s and in-laws’ movements and ultimately when she fails, she should be forgiven and provided one more chance, then it has to borne in mind that the MAN had been tagged a criminal for no fault of his and he and his family has gone through a stage of tremendous trauma, stress and unwanted, unforeseen and uninvited hardships, all thanks to the false complaint filed by the wife. It involves monetary loss (perhaps recoverable), emotional draining (irrecoverable and leaves incurable mental scars), reputational assassination (recoverable only to a certain extent, and that too depends on how the individual handles it and perceives it). There has to be accountability for such huge losses and inflictions and effective means to curb such a menace.

With this note, I leave it to the readers to decide whether they would like to reconcile and die a death every day or fight back the menace, contribute their bit to create awareness and save other families and emerge an overall winner in life. I will end this article with a final analogy. A wife who has filed a false criminal case on her husband to settle petty scores and money extortion can be compared with this situation. Imagine someone stuck badly in city traffic and has an urgent nature’s call to attend to and at the same time feeling thirsty and wants to have water. The water that was present in the body has been marked as waste and he needs to get rid of it and at the same time he needs some fresh water to quench his thirst. As long as the waste water remains in his body, he will feel uneasy and those toxins in the waste water shall start ruining his system slowly. He needs water, but cannot use the water present in his body; he has to get rid of it. The waste water is a wife who files such a case. In order to carry on in life properly, the man has to get rid of such a wife as soon as possible. The fresh water is new life for the man, the definition and demographics of which are context dependent and individual defined.

The Revelation

All the characters referred to in the below blog are fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead whatsoever. Any co-incidence is purely co-incidental and unintentional.

For first time readers, please refer to the post, “The Brain and the Soul”

Its time to get up, the time is six thirty am. Jignesh’s cell phone alarm was ringing. After thinking a lot about Jahnavi and how to tell her about Sid, he had gone to sleep late. He got up lazily rubbing his eyes, saw the time, 6:40 am. Oh Shit, got late. Hurriedly he got up and the first thing he did was to SMS Jahnavi, Hey, can we meet in the canteen before the lectures. She replied with a smile. The silent bridge of words between them was the most exhilarating form of unrequited love between them. Lectures started at 9 am. They met in the canteen at 8:45.

Jahnavi: “Good morning, you look sleepy. Slept late? Studied till late?
Jignesh: “You ask a lot of questions.”

Jahnavi giggles.
Jahnavi: “So, tell me Sir, at your service.”

She was beaming with joy as this was the first time Jignesh had called her to meet. Though she had wanted to call him many times, she could not, long live her inhibitions and Jignesh’s moronic image. But today was different and so was different Jignesh today.

Jignesh: “Hey you know I wanted to tell you something.”
Jahnavi: “I am listening.”
Jignesh: “Well you know as we are good friends. And also initially we did have some petty issues.”

He was still hunting for words, when the voice banged him from back. It was Sid there. Oh Shit, bad timing for the first time. He thought.

Sid: “Hi Guys, what’s up?”
Jahnavi: “Hi Siddharth, how are you?”
Sid: “I am great; I think its time for the lectures. Shall we, Jignesh?”

Jignesh motioned with his eyes, later, to Jahnavi. She caught it and they headed towards their respective departments. Now Jignesh was not at all able to concentrate on his lectures. He was in a dilemma, how to tell her? what if she goes away? He feared hatred and rejection. His insecurities were getting the better of him. Now she will think I am a real moron who can commit blunders independently but needs a friend to apologize, Jignesh thought. But it’s not totally my fault, for had it not been for Sid, his love for Jahnavi would have died within him. He just hoped Jahnavi to understand and realize this. Lunch break happened but they could not meet as Jignesh was called by the principal for some Biology seminar. So they had to wait for the evening coffee meet and the day seemed like ages to Jignesh and Jahnavi, who had sensed some amount of apprehension in his voice in the morning and had been wondering the whole day, What could be the matter? Why was he looking uncomfortable with Sid around? Why did he say ‘later’? These questions were making rounds in her mind. By the time the day ended and they met for coffee, they were like just about to barge into one another and finish off the matter. Jignesh had failed to muster courage to speak out, he feared losing her and Jahnavi wanted him to speak and feared losing Jignesh if he did not tell her. Seeing his composure she knew it, he will not speak, she will have to dig in, and so she spoke.

Jahnavi: “Hi How was the day?”
Jignesh: “Nothing special, yours?”
Jahnavi: “Ok types.”

Now she waited, hoping he will speak up. But he did not. And he was cursing her silence as that would mean, he will have to speak. His breaths conveyed his aggravated level of discomfort to her. So she spoke again.

Jahnavi: “I am noticing, there’s something you feel like sharing with me, but God knows why are you stopping yourself? Tell it na, what is it related to? Any tensions?”

Jignesh felt as if a gunshot was fired on his chest and he was not feeling the pain unless he saw himself bleeding. Now he had no choice. The silent bridge of words was crossed.

Jignesh: “I am in a dilemma. It’s related to us and I fear knowing it you will run away from me. Can you just take it as my weakness and my limitation and accept me the way I am. I mean see I did not mean it. I admit my part of the mistake but somehow I was helpless.”

Jahnavi was exasperated now. She could not make a head or tail of whatever he was saying. All she could make out is, there was something he wanted to share and he fears I will go away from him, knowing it. What bullshit, does he not know how I have fallen for him and how much I have started loving him. I am ready to accept him as he is whatever he has done and wants to share, Oh Lord, please make him do so. I promise I will not go away.

Jahnavi: “I need more details, Jignesh. I am not able to make any sense of what you are trying to convey. If you fear our relationship will be affected adversely knowing it then let me tell you one thing. If the relation really suffers knowing a fact, then the relation is not worth spending time on, and we should actually move on. And if the relation is really that strong and rock solid, believe me, it will not suffer, it will strengthen on the contrary. So just lighten your burden.”

Jignesh also knew this thing. But his insecurities still had an upper hand. He made one last attempt to escape confession. His soul was gasping for breath by now, but his brain was still in the controlling position.

Jignesh: “I can understand, but please can you not grant me this much liberty of knowing that whatever it is, it was my limitation and I do admit my mistake in it as well. I agree to whatever you say and your right to know is also justified, but my fear of losing you is killing me.”

Jahnavi: “Well, if that is the case, then let me tell you that, if you tell me, then there are chances I might not go away, but coming this far, now if you decide not to tell me and convince me for the same, then I will definitely go away and never come back to you, come what may.”

Jignesh knew his brain was losing, and since Jahnavi was the only child of her parents, her stubbornness was not a surprise, after all he was also no less stubborn being the only child. He finally prepares himself for the worst outcome of his confession and tells her everything about how Sid had helped him and how he had suggested him how to talk, apologize, and how Sid had shared his skills of handling girls. Jignesh admitted he used to get confused with her behavior and reaction at those debacles and then Sid used to explain him and guide him further and that they owe a lot to Sid for their relationship. Had it not been for Sid, the relation would have never nurtured so far so beautifully.

Jahnavi was listening, dumbfounded, speechless and awestruck. She could not find any words and kept pondering over whatever Jignesh had just told her. She was happy that he finally mustered courage and listened to his soul and also confessed, but his confession had far reaching repercussions. Since yesterday, dramatic colors were getting added to the hitherto black and white image of Jignesh; Jahnavi had so far developed with her own observations and analysis.

First of all, he was not boring, he acted moronic, but he lacked certain realization powers as well, which she had so far thought he possessed, but now she came to know it was Sid’s contribution that worked. But then Jignesh was truthful, honest and the moment he realized that the relation was getting serious he cleared the initial veil. This she treasured. Also everyone is not born intelligent, people tend to get matured with experiences and also learn from them. Jahnavi was happy that Jignesh had proved himself as a quick learner, this showed that he did not have ego, for ego is the biggest hurdle to learning.

Jignesh was getting wary over her silence and interpreted it wrongly. Sadly he moved out of the place, thinking he has lost her forever and will treasure whatever time he has spent with her so far. But he was feeling much lighter confessing. Jahnavi was so deeply involved in her thought process that she did not realize Jignesh leaving and by the time she did, he was gone. She sighed, smiled, and thought she will call him.